A new day!

Rachel turned a corner on the pain she was experiencing!  She was able to get a shower, into some cozy clothes, and up for some more walks by yesterday afternoon.  The pain and fatigue are definitely still there, as expected, but she has been able to resume some of her activity.  She even walked the whole loop of her floor this morning with assistance.   Rachel has been eating her meals independently, too!  Some super big victories on her road to healing (and hopefully home soon!)  Thank you all for loving my sister and her family so very well.  She has such an incredible village.   💓

Difficult Day

Hello!  Wednesday was a challenging day for Rach.  By midday, she was experiencing a significant amount of pain.  They tried some different pain meds again to help control the pain.  Due to pain, she wasn't able to do very much.  She pushed through the pain and was doing a little better by Wednesday evening.  We know there will be good days and bad days in her healing journey.  It's all a part of the process.  Pray that she would have minimal pain today.  Thank you!  💗

Wednesday Update!

Good Morning!  

Rachel is doing well.  She continues to increase her food intake.  This will help her regain strength.  She had some oatmeal, eggs, fruit and yogurt for breakfast.  She even fed herself the eggs and fruit!  Rachel has increased her time sitting in the chair and has also walked longer stretches.  We celebrate all her victories- big and small!  Go, Rach, Go!  

Tuesday

Rachel is doing well, all things considered.  They changed her pain meds and it has helped with her drowsiness.  The new meds have also been softer on her tummy.  Rachel is communicating really well.  She got up to use the bathroom this morning and then spent some time sitting up in a chair for a bit.   The goals today are for her to sit up in the chair 3x, go for a little walk 2x, and increase her food intake.  (She gives the hospital french toast 1 star. 😉)  Rachel will work with PT and OT again later today.  If you're able, go ahead and leave a comment on this for Rachel.  We plan to read some of your encouraging notes to her later today.  Thank you!   

Monday Morning

Rachel had a decent night of sleep last night.  She continues to experience significant pain, but they are managing it better today.  They are going to try a different pain medication today that shouldn't make her quite as drowsy or nauseous.  The goals today are to get her to sit up more frequently and eat some soft foods.  She had a visit from PT this morning and did really well with the walker.  She will get a visit from OT later today.  The neurosurgeon made rounds this morning and her MRI looked good!  Rachel got her headwrap removed, so hopefully that will help relieve some of the pressure in her head.  Her incision looks really good.  She had some wonderful visitors this weekend.  Rachel is so strong and we celebrate her strength and forward progress!

Sunday morning update

Rachel had a rougher night.  As the anesthesia has worn off, she has become more aware of the pain.  She is complaining of significant headache, neck pain, back pain, nausea- all to be expected after the surgery.  It’s all a part of the process, but painful to watch her endure nonetheless.  She will get an MRI later this morning.   The nurse tried to sit her up for a couple minutes this morning.  They will try sitting her up again later today.   She had some jello and applesauce this morning and was able to get up to use the restroom.  

A Quiet Day

Good evening!  

It has been a good, sweet, quiet and calm day.  We have been taking turns visiting Rachel.  She was moved out of the ICU mid-afternoon and onto a regular floor.  Such great progress!  Rachel has been resting for most of the day.  She continues to respond to questions when asked.  The girls got an "I love you" from their mama.  💓  Grateful, grateful, grateful.  

On the other side!

Good morning!  She did it!  Thank you to Rachel’s army for all the care- encouraging words, prayers and love shown to her and her family.  It was a big, long day.  We are so thankful to be on the other side.  The surgery itself ended up lasting 12.5 hours.  The tumor was a hard tumor (not soft) and the removal process was more extensive because of that.  The tumor was wrapped around (above and below) the nerve.   They performed a CT scan post-surgery and she was able to be extubated last night.  Andy & Mom both got to see her late last night.  This morning, our family is taking turns getting to see her, including her sweet girls.  Rachel was very responsive this morning- moving body parts when asked, answering questions, etc.  They even asked if she could smile, and she gave a smile.  We are so proud of Rach!  She has been and continues to be so brave and strong.    

Surgery coming to a close

We just got word from the neurosurgeon that his portion is done.  They are closing her up right now and then she will go for a CT scan to check how everything looks.  The surgeon was very positive and he will do rounds at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow.  More info to come in the morning!  

Continues to do well!

Hello!  Rachel still continues to do well in surgery.  We have been getting updates every 2 hours.  With all of the prep work, drain placement, etc., the procedure didn't begin until 9:30 a.m.  Different surgeons and medical professionals are working together to do their portion of the surgery.  The last 2 updates have been that the neurosurgeon is continuing his portion of the job and Rachel continues to do well.  Andy and Mom will meet with the medical team when the procedure is done.  We will certainly keep you updated!  Thank you for your care and concern for Rach!  She is so loved and has a wonderful army behind her.  

Update!

We have gotten some updates from Rachel's medical team.  Rachel continues to do well!

Surgery Day!

Rachel had a good night of sleep.  We sent her off with many hugs and prayers at 5:30 a.m.  Surgery began at 7:45 a.m.  Her strength of character is unmatched.  In true Rachel fashion, she was encouraging others this morning.  We are looking forward to being on the other side of this and prayerful for a full recovery.  Thank you for the many ways you are carrying us through!  We will update more later today.  

Starting my climb tomorrow...

It's time, let's do this! This moment has been building for a month, and I GET to do this. Today, Andy and I headed to Mayo early in the morning for further testing and scans. My family will be bringing the girls down to Rochester in the afternoon and we will all staying in a hotel near St. Mary's. We will spend the evening with them doing one of their favorite things, staying in a hotel and swimming in the pool. I will be soaking up as much time with all of them before surgery tomorrow. It is difficult to know what to think and feel going into such a serious operation.  I do have so much hope that my outcome will be positive! But... there are times when I feel hope wavering. The natural human reaction is to always prepare for the worse. I have had a tough week with lots of worries and emotions; it is a strange thing... preparation for this journey. I just can't help but think negative thoughts sometimes. I hug people as though I won't hug them again, and go through all the motions as I grasp this reality. 

TIME OF REFLECTION

It has been a time of reflection, providing me with a renewed perspective. I have always found peace in the rise and set of the sun and what each new day brings, sounds of the birds, sway of the trees and the breeze on my face. I am especially soaking in all these sights, sounds and feelings now. I'm gaining strength in notes from family/friends, and acts of kindness from people (Iyla's swim season paid for, thank you!). It is the joy, laughter and simplicity in small things that make this life good. It is the gift of life itself that is most meaningful, not the things that come with it. Never would I press my own faith on someone else, as everyone has their own right to faith. However, God is present in mine. Present through the birth of my children, when provided the power to save my moms life, gifting me people and meaningful places I enjoy visiting. Life. I have felt the presence in the last month, through all of your prayers.

Last night we were gifted with these family photos, which we cherish. The magical moments and spirit of our family were captured in such a beautiful way (Shea Jurgensen). She has shared her beautiful gift with us, and given us a gift we can look back to during this time of trial. My babies, so much love. My mom also just gifted me the rings from my heavily grandmother's, they are going to be a part of my angel tribe. I feel their presence too.

HOPE

If you are reading this blog, you have made an impact on my life.  For you, I will push myself in ways I never knew how, and I will discover strength I didn't know I had. For now, we/I have hope and pray for the outcome, for a speedy recovery, for no risks to impact my life, for the gift of doctors who will save my life, for more strength and balance than I have now, to have the life I know back - every bit of it  We aren't promised tomorrow, but I have been promised another chance - and that I am so grateful for. When you are given another chance at life, it creates a whole new perspective!  I keep telling myself that my hope and faith is so much stronger than my fear! "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul. Firm and secure. ~Hebrews 6:19." Couldn't have said it better.

I will be in the ICU for 1-2 days, and Andy will stay in Rochester (at the hotel). I will have a hospital stay less than a week.

Family will be in and out throughout the week. I can't wait to see the faces of my smiling girls! I am so lucky to have Andy as my parter in life, and to take this journey together. The blog will be updated by family, to keep you posted on progress.  

All my love. Rachel

Can't go around, gotta go through

I originally created this blog to keep everyone updated, and questions answered. I have found that the writing has also served me in other ways too. Part of "going through", is updating everyone. I still get several questions that people are curious about, and here are some FAQ's:

Will you have to shave your head?

You probably thought this would be my new hair cut:

Well, I get to keep my hair! In the past, yes patients would shave their heads. Not to be graphic, but they will shave the long path from the top/back of my ear, back around towards the back side, up towards my hair part, and forward - a big "J". Pretty much my entire left side. When everything is put back together, my existing hair will cover the sutures. I just might have to switch my part to the other side.

What will recovery be like?

I will start climbing the hill in intensive care for some time (a day or two), before I'm moved to a regular hospital room for a few more days. I wish I had a crystal ball to know the answer to this. It is obviously a major surgery, and will require a major recovery.

How do you feel?

It is hard find balance in life (work, life, play) the way it is, but when physical balance is off, it is even more of a struggle. The stress has shifted to different things, but I do feel pretty balanced figuratively speaking (just not physically). At physical therapy, I was told that I had a vestibular system of an elderly person. I'm so glad that I didn't go down the balance clinic route they recommended, and did my own investigating. I just had the gut feeling that something was not right - I think it was the same feeling that the MRI technician had when he had that look on his face (but couldn't say anything) after imaging.

I have also noticed muscle weakness. When working out, it is like there is a force working against me. No matter how much I push myself, the exhaustion sets in soon after I start. I also noticed that my left leg gets pissy when it gets tired. It is like it has a mind of its own - not lifting all the way, and throwing a bit of a tantrum if it doesn't want to do something. The other day, I was picking Vera up from school with our dog Poppy in the car. When the door opened, she saw another dog and bolted out the car, dodging traffic in the school pick up line and the busy parking lot. I got out to chase her and my legs wouldn't run no matter what. I found myself kind of limping. That was a moment that I really noticed the symptoms of the tumor, and how much pressure it is putting on my brainstem. I never did like running anyway:) Luckily, Poppy made it back to the car. A dead dog was not what we needed right now, right!?

I feel like I have a buzz (minus the brain fog) most of the time except for sitting. It really is a feeling that I can't get used to. Simply put, it feels weird. I have noticed that my balance is much more compromised recently and my muscle weakness is stronger. This could be because I am ultra aware of the symptoms, or because they are getting worse - or both. Regardless, I have a sense of urgency. Now, I really want the operation, and look forward to feeling "normal".

Are you sleeping?

I fall asleep very well, and when 3/4:00a.m. rolls around, I'm up. The constant stream of thoughts start to trickle in, and offers me no signs of drying up (I've been sneaking in a nap when I can to make up for lost sleep). One night we had a little munchkin crawl into bed with us because of bad dreams. Early that morning she woke up with me and noticed I was crying. Her sweet little head hugged my chest "you are going to be okay Mommy". I find peace and strength in these moments. I AM going to be okay. The kids are in the middle of this mess, and that is what makes it so hard for me. We are giving them what they need, and they are giving me what I need. It is amazing how much strength young ones have to offer.

Can't Go around

I am usually the one showing up with a meal - not on the receiving end. Thank you for this, and thank you for showing me that it's okay to allow others to put their hands on me when I need it. This will serve me well. This journey is unavoidable, and I must go through it. I do have everything I need for this one - my family, my friends, my faith and HOPE. As I write this on Easter Sunday, I connect this day to something pastor Dan told me, "Rachel, you have your own little resurrection journey to go through". There is no way around this one, I wish I could jump over it, but I must go through. I probably won't post again until right before my surgery with anything new, and then it will be someone else's job to keep this blog updated.

Peace.